Open Book: The Key To Happiness

Finding A Life That Is Mine Is A Constant Quest

By Anya Nitczynski

For the GPHN    

When I was in the third grade, I remember seeing a quote that has been attributed to John Lennon somewhere in my school.

The quote was “When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”

I proceeded to let this philosophy command my answer to the same question for the next few years. Whenever asked if I wanted to be a ballerina or a veterinarian, I would respond with “as long as I am happy. I only want to be happy.”

Maybe this is a good philosophy. Maybe I truly believed it. But I remember feeling artificial, like I had conformed to something that was not me. This was true. While I don’t disagree with the sentiment, and whether I do or don’t disagree with the sentiment does not matter. Making this quote my entire personality was not accurate to my actual goals and aspirations of winning a Grammy award by the fifth grade. `

Thinking about how much this quote affected me has led me to question how much of my life is actually not mine. Anyone who knows me knows the walls of my room are plastered with things I’ve collected throughout my life. I have hung up tote bags, posters, CDs, pictures, gifts, trinkets, and really anything that can be held up by a push pin. Are these things me, who I think I am, or maybe they’re who I want to or feel obligated to be? They represent my experiences and things I enjoy, but not… me. Or maybe they do? I don’t have any sort of concrete answer.

All of this pondering, though, has led me to the following conclusion: I have been influenced by many things in my life and adopted them as parts of my personality. That isn’t a bad thing. There is no such thing as my “original personality,” per se.

Nobody has a personality untouched by quotes they read in third grade. Maybe that one is just me. Regardless, I am what has influenced me. And that fact does not take away from my individuality. I am a mosaic of music and poetry and books and family. I am a collection of places – the library, Spinellis, art museums, other countries.

And yes, that makes me happy.

Anya Nitczynski just completed her freshman year at Denver School of the Arts. Her column appears monthly in these pages.